“Lord, I Want To, Want To”
By Pat Evans
I can't remember the first time I said this to God, but I know it was usually when I was struggling with obedience. Being raised strictly, I learned early in life to obey because it's the right thing to do and I feared the punishment of disobedience.
So, for me, I learned to obey because I was afraid not to. This mindset shed a negative light on obedience because I associated it with fear and that transferred on to my relationship with God. It was difficult for me to discern whether I was hearing God's voice or whether it was the voice in my head from my past that said, "You ‘have to’ obey or something bad could happen."
After reading Mavis’ blog from January 28th, I realized she was describing exactly how I felt. She explained the difference between "have to" and desire, or as I called it, our "want to". To review her words, feeling like you "have to" do something because it's required or expected drains us of energy which eventually causes us to give up. On the other hand, if we desire or "want to" do something, it creates determination, motivating us to press on and not give up. Making the choice because I felt I “had to”, never caused the change in me to become a permanent one. Only when God put the “want to” in my heart was it possible for me to overcome.
For example, I felt that I was lacking passion, so I decided to fast and seek the Lord for a way to create passion in my heart for Him. About the same time, I was asked to participate as a leader in the Passion Propel Series. I quickly agreed as I knew that God had already laid it on my heart to seek Him for more passion.
Though I learned a lot from the passion series and my time with the Lord, I still had not received a breakthrough. However, I did learn that Passion was directly related to obedience.
On the last day of my fast, I was reading my devotions which “just happened to be” on obedience. Oswald Chambers wrote that the Lord tells us emphatically what we ought to do, but He never meant to make us obey. Rather, He desires obedience to flow out of our oneness with the Spirit.
Chambers writes: "...if I obey Jesus in the haphazard circumstances, they become pinholes through which I see the face of God. Then, when I stand face-to-face with Him, I discover through my obedience thousands were blessed." Wow! Think of it! Every time we obey, we see more of God’s face! This is my motivation to obey Him: Passion and seeing His Face. Passion is the reality of God created out of Obedience.
There it is Ladies…My "WANT TO"!
"What is more pleasing to the Lord: your burnt offerings and sacrifices or your obedience to His voice? Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice…” I Samuel 15:22